you didnt know i had herpes?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
