In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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