I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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