I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
