Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I still have a little drunk in my system
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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