I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
