Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
