I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
