he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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