i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
