We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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