I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
