I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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