she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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