yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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