oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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