At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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