Screwed.edu
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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