I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
