ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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