There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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