if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
