I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
