somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
