dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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