First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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