i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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