I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
