It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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