Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
