Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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