He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
