I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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