it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
