I didn't shave. On purpose
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
