i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
