honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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