I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
