You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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