Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
