I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
