I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
