Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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