....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
