I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize