Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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