There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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