There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
