Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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