I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize