it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
