How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
