Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
