nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
