sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
