my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
