If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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