you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize