Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
