I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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