hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
