My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have aggressive nipples.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
