dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
