I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you bring me the toilet please
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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