cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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