Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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