He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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